Supports can be formal or informal.

Formal Supports include:

• GPs
• counsellors
• dietitians
• psychologists
• psychiatrists
• support groups
• telephone supports
• monitored internet chat rooms (semi-formal)

Informal Supports include:

• friends
• family
• pets
• monitored internet chat rooms or email buddies
• sports teams
• church groups

Both types of support have benefits and possible disadvantages. Some people find their parents or partner are their best supports. Others would never want to tell their parents or partner what is happening. It depends on the quality of the relationship, the person’s capacity to help you and possibly the stage of your recovery.

Formal Supports

Formal supports can be a great place to seek help. They are generally highly trained and well able to understand your problem. They can provide a non-judgemental outlet for talking about your problem. And, you don’t have to feel guilty about laying heavy stuff on them. They’re used to dealing with it - it is what they're paid for!

Similarly, they can often provide concrete solutions to help you get better. They will help challenge your thinking and behaviour in a way friends or family are unlikely to do.

Formal support groups (such as those run by EDAsa) can be just what some people have been looking for. They offer a confidential environment in which to hear what other people with eating disorders are going through. You can share your experiences with people who really know what it’s like.

However, some people find it too confronting to hear stories of other people with eating disorders. The range of experiences and struggles can also be unhelpful to some. When thinking about accessing a support group, it is important to have some ideas about what you would like to gain from the experience. Call the organisation or support group facilitator and ask them how their support groups are structured. This can be an opportunity for you to talk about any concerns or questions you have about attending a support group, as well as what other services the organisation can offer.

Sometimes, people have negative experiences in support groups where the majority of attendees are at a different place to them. This can have some negative effects of feeling left out or 'behind' other people. Again it is important to talk about these issues with the facilitator or any other therapists you are seeing.

It also costs more to see formal supports, especially if you cannot afford private health insurance. If you are a student or are receiving Centrelink benefits, ask if concession rates are available.

You have to make a time to see them, and that time may not always be convenient. They’re not always available at a convenient time for you, for example, when you’re struggling to eat or not eat, or just to drag yourself out of bed.

Similarly, their approach may not fit with your view of eating disorders. It is important to find professionals who you feel comfortable with, otherwise it can be very frustrating and feel like one more barrier to getting better. Hang in there if this happens. Shop around for someone you feel comfortable with.

Informal Supports

Informal networks have some great benefits. Your family and friends are people who genuinely care for you and want you to recover. They know you, so you don’t have to start right at the beginning of your story. (Sometimes a hug, kind word or warm understanding glance from someone who loves you can make your recovery seem more possible.)

Your family and friends are accessible. They’re in your life. They’re nearby at tough times. You can talk to them when life seems really hard. You don’t have to make an appointment.

However, it’s not uncommon for families to be in conflict. Not every family member is equally easy to talk to or really understands. You will probably feel closer to some family members than others. If you find it hard to talk to your family you may want to seek help only from professionals and a few close friends.

Families can be well meaning but still stuff things up. They may give unhelpful advice when you just want understanding. Your grandma probably means no harm when she says, “Just start eating and you’ll get better,” or your brother says, “Snap out of it,” but you may feel very frustrated when they do. You may get angry and they may feel hurt. It may be that you decide to only talk to people in your family who have the capacity to really listen and help you in your recovery.

Similarly, it can be hard telling friends and family about your eating disorder because you are worried they’ll think badly of you, tell others, control you or be even more aware of the eating disorder behaviours.

Choose carefully. Pick people you trust to respect you and help you in a way you feel comfortable with. Don’t tell your well-meaning but gossipy school friend.

Helping your support network help you

Sometimes there are people around you who can provide great support. Problem is, they don't know how or have very limited understandings of what eating disorders are. It can be useful to think about how those close to you could help you and then ask them to do that. They will probably be relieved to be given some specific direction.

Think about what they can do that would help. You could ask them to:

• listen without judging
• read information about eating disorders
• tell you they love you unconditionally
• tell you they believe you can recover
• avoid conversations or fights about food
• give you a hug
• not talk to you for a while if you don't feel like talking.

Despite their best intentions, some people may not be helpful to you. It's okay to politely say to them, “Thanks for your concern, but I already have a group of people who are helping me”.

Other Supports

Apart from friends, family and health professionals, there are a few other, less obvious supports.

Spiritual support can be invaluable. Chats or even long deep-and-meaningfuls with God can help some people. You can be assured of confidentiality and a loving, non-judgemental ear.

Self-help books can offer a way to begin thinking about your problem. In some cases they can guide you step by step to recovery. You can take it at your own pace and no one need know what you are working on.

Pets can be wonderful supports too. They offer unconditional love. They don’t talk back or offer dodgy advice and they don’t tell other people. Playing fetch with your dog or patting your purring cat can provide temporary relief from the stresses of your eating disorder.

Internet supports are useful if you don't want to talk but prefer to express your feelings in writing. You can protect your identity by hooking up with people who are going through the same issues. (We recommend you use a chat room monitored by health professionals.)

Choose your network carefully from the range of people who care for you and are able to really help you. They can be great guides on your path to recovery.

Quotes:
"When I was to instigate a change, practice a new behaviour and at times of great stress I did need support." - Elizabeth, 30s.

"I attended a few support groups but did not find them helpful because it could have been easy for me to get sucked into trying to 'fit myself into a box'. I think if I had stayed with those groups, I would have had to behave like everyone else." - Dianne, 49.

"Unconditional love was the mainstay and although I did not have that in my ex-husband, I did have it in my closest friend and she was there when I needed her and we had a silent understanding about my eating and fears that was I think, the most supportive. It was never discussed [that her friend and her daughter knew] but because I would officially eat at the table or with others, I would in the end, eat with these two giving me special understanding and support." - Lyn, 40.

Kindly written by Lisa Morrison.